What Recent Grads Resumes’ Should Look Like

I designed this

Jordan Phoenix  {voted most likely to be #super famous in High School}

Personal And Political Objective

To obtain a job that pays $3 above minimum wage (I just graduated from College so)

Education That Shows How Qualified I Am

     Liberal Arts College, 5 years

  • Took deeply involved classes
  • GPA well above average
  • Was a second year senior because I wanted to take a ceramics class

     Super Elite High School, 4 years

  • Prom Queen
  • Single all 4 years to focus on studies
  • We had Rugby

     Very involved preschool, 2 years

  • We did chores

Work Experience, Including Internships And Personal Projects

     Large, Well-Known Marketing Company

  •  They gave me lots of money
  •  My boss told me that I was “hip” and ~with it~
  •  I was there approximately 5-7 years

     Design Company in a cool, urban space that had no chairs or computers

  • Hired me because I had cool glasses and small ears
  • I learned a few things – I “designed with my mind”
  • I learned that making french press coffee was the new ‘in’

     Personal Lifestyle Blog

  • I run it by myself, people sometimes look at it
  • Couldn’t think of anything else to put here

     Hometown Ice Cream Shoppe

  • I found out they closed a couple of years ago
  • They thought the ‘e’ on the end of their name was really neat
  • I gained 10 pounds but learned that the cherries on top of sundaes are “real”

Special, No-One-Else-Can-Do-It-Like-Me, Skills

Can speak on the radio, work a camera, do yoga, solve world problems, play with dogs, world champion keyboard cleaner, great at having panic attacks, love misdiagnosing my ailments, email me for more

Awards [ I’m super qualified to have a job, btw ]

Most talented person ever, Most forgiving roommate award 2012, Most anxious person 2013, Able to get over things quickly 2014, Most likely to be thought of as “interesting”, Won Most Bitter Award 2015

 

Hire me !!!

Things I’ve learned as a 21-year-old, to do and not to do

My birthday is looming, peaking, and luring around the next corner and I’m feeling 22. (yes, Tswift, I feel you).

IMG_8784As a funny gift to myself I thought I would compile a list of things that I once thought were uncool.

Here are things I’ve learned over my last 21 years of living that I thought were so ~faux pas~ to go against.

  1. You don’t have to wash your jeans after one wear. If you don’t stink it up, you can re-wear and re-wear to your heart’s content.
  2.  You can re-wear your pajamas. (If you don’t sweat like a beast in your sleep).
  3. Leftovers are OKAY. Actually, they’re the best. When my mom said we were having “leftovers” I knew it was going to be a bad night. Now, I live for leftovers.
  4. Chores are soothing. I love to vacuum now. Those vacuum lines? Hot.
  5. Glasses are cool. Well, the right pair anyway. Tell that to my 11 year-old self and you’ll get an eye roll. Am I right mom?
  6. Natural hair is ~sweet~ and you don’t have to straighten it. Or curl it. Live and let live, amiright?
  7. Dress according to what you find attractive, not what others are wearing.
  8. Lipstick isn’t just for old people. It’s all the rage now!
  9. Being right isn’t always important. Sure, I MAY be right… but, it’s called compromise. 😉
  10. Education, and the right to it, isn’t a chore but a privilege. When I was in middle school I took for granted the brilliant education I was given. Now, looking back on it, I am extremely appreciative of all the people who have helped me succeed both academically and personally.

Would you add anything to this list? What was the 10 year-old you like?

5 Years of Hair, a Time Lapse

My journey on the train to hairdo village has been a long one.

Perhaps it will be one that will continue until I’m 95 and dead. But, even then, I’m sure I’ll have pink hair. After all, it’s just hair… right? It’ll grow back.

Speaking of pink hair… I did it. I crossed over to the pink side (no pun intended (YAY STAR WARS)).

I thought on reflection I should look back on all of my “what-the-actual-hell” haircuts. From super long and curly to my now current pink and straightish style.

Which do you prefer?

This was my hair in 2011.

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Then, I cut it. (2012)

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And I chopped at it some more… (2013)

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I dyed it dark brown…

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I dyed it blonde! (poor hair, right?) (2014)

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I grew it out… (I like this angle?)

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I put a little lavender in…

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Grew it out some more… (2015)

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Chopped it and GREW IT OUT and then CHOPPED IT and GREW IT OUT. WEEEEE…Pattern? Maybe.

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Took better quality pictures of it…

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AND THEN shaved it… (getting a bit winded here).

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and now… WA WA WAAAAAAA! (drama). (2016)

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I’d like to thank my family for their love and hateful support, my sister for the times when I told her to take my picture and my hair stylist Olivia at Max the Salon in Upper Arlington.

and HEEERRREEEEE is a video 😉

College Back to School Essentials

Here is a short list of the things you will most likely definitely need while at College. This list is just what I’ve found keeps me the most sane. 🙂

1. You will need inspirational photos, quotes and photos of animals. Cat selfies. Also: Pinterest.

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2. You will need coffee, tea, or anything hot that will warm your soul and keep you up when you think you can’t move.

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3. Invest in Nutella. If you’re allergic, invest in chocolate sauce. I don’t care what you are or who you are: Invest. This is the most important thing to ensure your sanity. Chocolate and or ice cream.

4. Sweatshirts. Wear them. Sleep in them. Live in them. Hide the fact that you aren’t wearing a bra.

5. You will need headphones in order to jam out, work out, study or just chill. 12 a.m. jam out study session in the library? Only your ears will know.

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6. Leggings for females. Comfy sports pants or shorts for men. Comfort is key.

7. You will need to bring clothes to which you can work out in. I know, “who wants to work out, forreal tho?” Well. You do. Sometimes. So… bring that sports bra. And on that rare October day when you feel like you need that run; you have everything you need.

8. You will need to buy stupid things and do stupid things in order to make you happy. So, ya. Buy the shoes. Or the lamp shade.

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9. A planner. Post-it notes. Anything that will motivate you to do your work. Or procrastinate it. Whatever.

10. Lastly. RAIN COAT, UMBRELLA. There will be a random rain storm. But, you WILL have that mini umbrella in your bag. You’re prepared.

Don’t have any of this? Well. GO.

Five Things I’ve Learned from Snow Days

Recently, Ohio has been shutting down schools because of “extreme cold.” If you couldn’t guess, it’s extremely cold. The high today was 8 degrees with a low of -10 (without factoring in the wind chill).

While snow days are a thing, cold days are the new “in”. At College, I’ve learned a little bit about collegiate mentality and the famed “snow/cold day.”

Here are five things I’ve learned from snow days and college kids.

1. We will focus all our attention on having a snow day.

“I will wear my pajamas inside out. I will wish and pray and wish and pray.”

“I will check the weather station, talk to as many people as possible about such potential snow day and forget everything else.”

“Eat? I can’t. I’m thinking about how we might have a snow day tomorrow.”

“Talk? Only if it’s about snow. Or cold. Or snow and the cold.”

2. We will not do our homework.

“Well, there may be a snow day tomorrow. So let’s just not study for that quiz, write that 10 page paper or move from the couch. Ya, good plan.”

“It’s 1 a.m. They have to call off school, right? I still haven’t done my homework.”

“Homework? What homework? Snow day, man”

“Test? Snow day.”

3. We will convince ourselves that we will have a snow day.

“No, it’s just way too cold outside. Like, how can they make us go to class when its -20?”

“I will fall. What if I fall? I’ll sue”

“All the other schools are closed around us. Like, literally every school. Why aren’t we closed?”

“We have to have a snow day. They can’t expect us to function in such cold. It’s too cold. cold. cold cold. cold cold cold. Too much of it. No.”

“I will be so pissed when we don’t have a snow day. How could they.”

4. Denial will eventually set in, and we will convince ourselves it probably won’t happen.

“It’s not going to happen. Our university doesn’t do that kind of stuff. They like to see us suffer.”

“Why do I go here?”

“I’m going to haveee to do my homework.. I’ll just wake up early and do it, I guess”

“It’s going to be so cold. I’ll just scream and cry about it on my way to class. I’ll complain to everyone I see.”

“My tears will probably be frozen but people will know of my true unhappiness.”

“I’m pissed.”

Run to Facebook…. “How could they do this to us. No alert yet? WHY. WHY US.”

5. Oh, but when it does happen, we rejoice. No, seriously.

College student: checks phone at all hours of the night. Dreams about having snow day. Wakes up: one message. Swipe right. There she is.. the alert. NO SCHOOL.

**Run to any and all social media**

“NO SCHOOL OMG OMG OMG HAHA YAS”

“YASYASYAS WE WIN YAY”

“NOW I GET TO SIT ON MY COUCH AND EAT ICE CREAM YAY.”

-College students

5 Tips on Getting Through This Semester

Struggling through these cold days? Long semester? Waiting for your quarter to be over?

It’s 8 degrees outside. I’m wearing more layers than I thought possible and I’m afraid I’ll fall on my ass with every step I take.

So, it’s officially winter. That means Thanksgiving break is coming up and shortly after… Christmas (my inner child is screaming right now).

Based on my past experience with the dreaded last couple weeks of classes, I’ve complied a list of 5 different tips on getting you through this semester.

Tip 1.

Buy something that makes you happy. Retail therapy always gets me in the mood, so why not buy that hat you were looking at, that mug you were itching to sip on or that fish that’s been staring at you.

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For me, I bought some Gallactic Cat socks from Stance socks and a new velvety headband.

(I’m going to be a lonely old cat lady in my future, who is allergic to cats)

Tip 2.

On your bad days when you have a raging headache, feel like doing absolutely nothing and want to cuddle… jam out to some sad ass music. The 1975 is my go-to. It’s not ALWAYS sad, but the music is flowy and alternative.

I ALSO like to pop in my headphones and walk to the beat of the song when I’m walking to class. (I feel bad ass).

 

Tip 3.

Go out and enjoy outside. Take some pictures. Now, I know I just said that it’s super cold outside and it’s snowing like a hellion, but it’s still beautiful. I remember looking at the snow and looking at how softly it sat on tree branches and how bright it was. Now, THAT is beauty right?

 

Tip 4.

Eat some shitty food. Okay, I’m not trying to make you fat. I’m just saying.. comfort food makes your brain happy. It may not make your waist happy, but oh my god I love me some M&M’s.

For Capital Students, I recommend eating a Cru Club Sandwich full of meat and grease with a side of fries. Yum, right?

For those off campus, you have unlimited options. Go to IHOP and get red velvet pancakes. (I’m only saying that because I’ve never tried it and I want to. I will live vicariously through you if you do).

Tip 5.

Hang out with your friends. While it’s good to have some alone time to cuddle with your sheets, it’s good for the mind to hang out with people and actually TALK to them. I know, such a weird thing.. like, we can’t just message on Facebook?

Go knock on someone’s door, write someone you haven’t talked to in awhile.. It will make you feel better 🙂

Hope those tips helped. They’ve helped me! See you on the flip side of the semester..

-Jordan

 

 

 

My Spirit Animal

Today, as I was sitting on my bed browsing through Facebook, I realized something; brown bears.

I love them.

And, it’s not just any type of love. I want to snuggle, huggle and wuggle them, and, possibly have their cubs. (I mean, if that was physically or ethically possible but, it’s not). I’ve been pondering the idea of having a spirit animal, and I think this animal fits the mold for me.

So, as my good vibes for the week, I will leave you with these beautiful photos of my favorite animal. And, side note, these pictures made me laugh pretttyyyy hard. I also know that they’re pretty fierce predators… but, come on. Aw.

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This gal.. she’s sad to say bye. But, she knows it’s time for you to go.

And, while all of these are not mine and were taken from the internet; I snapped this one from the Columbus Zoo with my own two paws.

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I hope brown bears make you smile. 😀 And, now you know my one true love (and spirit animal).

Best,

Jordan

Things Every Student Thinks About Capital’s Food

As a student at Capital University, I have had my fair share of dining at our “Main Dining Room,” “Mezz” and “Cru Club.”

Like most College or University Students, we have our unhappy food-happenings around campus. Today, mine happened to be centered around Capital’s food decisions; be them good, or bad. And now, here are my thoughts as follows;

(Disclaimer: these are purely my personal thoughts and should in no way demean any food services on campus.)

1. I hope I don’t smell like the Cru Club after I leave.          (Smells hair: end up smelling like Cru Club)

1.5. I hope I don’t smell like the MDR after I leave.

2. If the Cru Club line is long, I am going to be so. pissed.

2.5. I. am. so. pissed. But, I am TOTALLY going to stand in this HOUR long line to wait an hour for my food to complain some more about how I am so pissed.

2.6. Anddddd, I’m going to wait and eat it anyway. Plus, I didn’t have much of a choice considering there is only two eating establishments open past 7pm. But, I’m not complaining. Not complaining at all. Nope.

3. Why are there only two people working in the Mezz right now?

4. Why can’t the MDR serve cookies at Dinner? Does it always have to be a lunch thing?

5. If I’m eating at the MDR alone today, I better eat in the corner by myself. Next to the T.V.

6. NOOOOOOO… Where are the little mini-corns at Mongo Bongo? 😦

7. If we’re talking vegetables.. you want cooked vegetables? The green beans are never cooked. Want zucchini? Best have it soggy and lukewarm. MmMm.

8. The pizza is always a go to. How can you screw pizza up, right? (I’ve never had a bad slice)

9. Why isn’t there any chocolate milk? ……just when I needed it the most……

10. You call that one serving of tator tots? Come on, man. I thought we bonded.

11. Remember that one time they played music in the MDR? That was cool.

12. Lets all eat outside! And sit in the most uncomfortable chairs that don’t move and have our plates and drinks struggle to stay in place! Also, the wind will probably be unbearable! Yay!

13. Why must the peanut butter always be the condiment right next to the Panini press… why not the honey mustard.. why…

14. Why are the plates a darker hue than most colors should be?

15. Holidays at the MDR. Are. the. best. Pumpkin pie? Rolls? Heaven.

16.Why…..why do I have to rush to get up at 11am on my Sleep-in Saturdays because the MDR closes at 1:30pm….. because if I sleep in, I don’t get food. But, that’s fine. I’ll starve. Bye.

17. MDR food is cold. The Mezz’s food is soaked in oil and the Cru Club’s food tastes like straight up grease.

18. But, I have to eat it. I pay for it.

So….MDR tomorrow, anyone? 🙂

Have you ever had the same thoughts? hehe..

-Jordan

 

Things Everyone Thinks About While Living In London, Ohio

So, after many years of living in London, OH and after being away from it for awhile I started to look back on what I used to be worried about around town. For those of you reading who lived either very far from London or right next door, London is a small town about 40 minutes west of Columbus, Ohio.

Flashback. I get to thinking…

1. Should I actually look decent to go to WalMart? …Nah. Where’s my crocs?

2. Hopefully I don’t run into anyone I know…Just kidding. I always do.

3. When’s the Strawberry Festival? I’ll need to avoid that. Or I can go. Are there any strawberries there? (spoiler alert: no)

4. Madison County State Fair. I repeat; fair. I’ll literally see the entire town. But, fries.

5. What should I grab to eat for dinner? Well, I have three options. Los Mariachis for Mexican, Ronetti’s for Pizza and Rothwell’s for American. Or Bob Evans. Or a doughnut. Or more pizza.

6. Speaking of Bob Evans, Bacon Cheddar Potato soup please. Yay. I wonder if my friends are working there today…

7. I guess I can just walk through my backyard to get to Wendy’s..

8. Lets go shop! At our only shopping store! Peebles!

8.5. Or I could trek cross-country to get to the nearest mall. But that would almost guarantee I’d have to buy something. Nah.

9. Or there’s Kmart.. just kidding. It’s closed down. For good.

9.5. How many rent-a-center’s do we really need?

10. Maybe I could just go walk around Kroger.

11.When’s the next High School musical?

12. Look, there’s my teacher from school! Hey!

13. No, for the millionth time, not London, England. Although, that would be cool.

14. Let’s go to the only ice cream shop in town. Cappuccino crunch anyone? Or we could just go to Kroger to grab a pint of Graeters and eat it out of the tub. That sounds nice.

15. I can’t wait to get out of London.

16. Why am I still in London?

17. I wonder what people in London are doing.

Okay, so maybe only a few people thought about these things. Okay, maybe only I thought about these things. Never-the-less, they were quite the thoughts.

Thank you, London. Thank you.

-Jordan